learning from a warrior

So today I write to just say thank you. The Lord has taken me on a journey and every year as I look back I realize that the roads I am traveling are not my own. These roads have never been seen as right to my flesh. My flesh tells me that there is so much more to this life, there is so much more joy to be found with a job that pays more, that I will be more satisfied with more in my closet or on my walls, and that if only I could find a husband life would be complete. But my soul sings with great joy. Why? Well because my soul sees the roads I am traveling belong to the Lord. My soul sees that I am living now for eternal glory with Jesus. My soul rejoices at places I have been and the places I will go. Who knows what lies ahead because you could have asked me a year ago if I would be where I am now and I would've laughed. 

So how did I get on this journey? (well other than giving my life to the Lord) I am coming to the realization I am where I am due to the warriors God has placed in my life. Now you wouldn't find pictures of these warriors in the Webster's dictionary, but maybe beside Ephesians 6. There have been older women in my life who have shown me what it means to walk with God. These woman have been  warriors in life. They have taught me how to love people like Jesus, to take great delight in the Word (Psalm 119), and how to commune with the Lord in prayer. Some young and some old but these women have all played a part in my "warrior in training" program.

Recently I had the privilege of sitting down and learning from one of these warriors. She shared with a group of young women about her prayer life. This time was more than encouraging. Her dependance on the Lord through prayer is convicting, but pushes me forward to become a warrior. I wanted to share her methods. 1. she prays scripture. The truth that the Word tells us is that his word does not return void. 2. she intercedes for people and so she can remember she writes their name and request on an index card. She saves the same card and adds request until the card is full. 3. she prays for missionaries. She keeps their post cards and other information. She prays for the country, their needs, and their desires. 4. she prays through an attribute of God each day and meditates on scripture that claims that attribute.  After spending only an hour with this warrior I felt the need to spend hours upon hours with her and just learn from her life and her walk with God. 

No matter where the Lord takes me if I could just take with me one thing form each of the women and put it into action I will be in good hands. I will be in the hands of the Lord. All these women have taught me something different, but each one rests in the hands of the Lord. Thank you Lord for giving me warriors. 

the crazy life

Something that I am sure of is that everyone has there own definition of "the crazy life". No one ever has a real grasp or control of situations and circumstances that arise. And I am no different than anyone else out there. My journey is crazy, unpredictable really. One thing that I have learned about being in ministry is that I have to always be ready to be open and welcoming but at the same time ready to say goodbye. It's pretty easy to type that, but emotionally it puts you on a roller coaster. Just in my short years in ministry I have built relationships with people and have seen them go off to another part of this world. And I myself have journeyed off to serve and love and then say goodbye. I would not change a single thing. Each friendship made has taught me something and I can only pray that I have left something good behind. I sit and wonder what's next, will I be able to continue being joyful, and what is all this preparing me for? 

Then life gets real and DEPLOYMENT happens and I realize no matter how many friends move away or get married or babies are born this is the craziest. As we talked about and planned for my brothers second deployment everything seemed a little more somber. You know why? Well because he now has a wife. Yes it was hard to see a brother, a son, a grandson, a nephew depart to a country we knew nothing of but war but now with Erin everything changes a bit. Her life is now truly "the crazy life".

Also, my friend Stacy has been in this crazy life of deployment for 6 months now. 

Seeing the lives of these two women is remarkable and I know that their husbands couldn't be more proud. Many people are so encouraged by their courage. The crazier thing to me is they fell in love with men knowing the possibility of being left on the home front. I am convinced that no one or no book can prepare you for such a change. I even find myself praying that the Lord keeps me from falling in love with a solider (its hard enough saying goodbye to a brother). I am just that selfish. I am so very thankful for the life of a wife of a solider. Thank you for supporting your men, your families, and your homes. 

Today in the midst of all of that I am encouraged by Psalm 119:90,96 "Your faithfulness endures to all generations; you have established the earth, and it stands fast. I have seen a limit to all perfection, but your commandments is exceedingly broad."

The Lord is forever faithful to us and he is perfect beyond our comprehension of perfection. Ladies in your crazy life be forever reminded that there is one who cares for you more and better than your husbands and his plan for you is perfection! 

Erin and Jeremy at the send-off (picture quality terrible I know. It's a pic of pic.)

Stacy's operation "halfway done"

adoption.

...so i started this post a few weeks ago and just now getting to finish, but here it is!

It's been a while since I have had time or honestly the urge to sit down and blog, but here I am today.

Okay so just a a brief update on where I am in this crazy journey the Lord has me on. I am currently sitting by a pool with the sound of the ocean in the back ground. Since May 18 I have been in Panama City Beach, FL on the Summer Beach Project. What a treat it is to be able to spend this time not only at the beach but to be surrounded by students who are hungry to grow in their walks with Christ. It is tough though to uproot for five weeks for my job. It's non-stop when we are here. I honestly don't know how the staff with children go about keeping a schedule.

Also (since this is the year of many possibilities) I have found my self way outside of myself! I am officially enrolled in seminary. As week one in my class comes to an end I am quickly learning that this is going to be one of the most stretching seasons mentally for me. I am taking a class on properly interpreting the Word and yes it has been so so fun. Yet in the joy that comes from studying the Word and historical content of the Word my mind just may explode! Regardless I am super pumped for this journey and to see how the Lord is going to draw me closer to Him through knowledge.

So now here I am getting to adoption. This week on the SBP has been themed "Adoption". Over the past 3 years this word has become to mean a lot more to me. It carries a lot more weight than it once did. Once you can personally put a face to this word you come to a better understanding of it. Being a part of the struggle and praying for a child has allowed me to come to a better realization of God's love for His people.

Let's start with Reese...thats the only natural place to start because he has been the family's first tangible picture of adoption. This child (though all boy and wild as ever) has been one of the biggest blessings to my family. I honestly don't think everyone has come to this realization but soon enough they will. My aunt and uncle began a process that took 1.5-2 years to complete. I doubt any of us truly knew the commitment that was going to be required to call Reese our own. Countless court dates, home visits, and prayer times surrounded the official day when we could call Reese fully adopted, an heir to all that belongs to my uncle. Oh but we feel in love with this child long before the papers were signed! As a matter of fact this past mother's day was when Crystal finally received the birth certificate of her first born son. Reese, now 4, is something special. Though not ours by DNA, he is fully a part of the family. There is no giving him back (not that anyone would dare do such a thing). He is ours, he bears the family name, he is adopted! Just how "we" are adopted into the family of Christ. God is our Father and nothing can separate us from that love (Romans 3:38-39).

Now we are on to writing another story of adoption. My brother and sister-in-law have also began this process, but this is already having twist and turns of its own. Jeremy will be deploying for a year in July. So just recently they found out that adoption services have put there file on hold. We were hoping that all paperwork we be processed before Jeremy left so when he returned we would be ready to open our hearts to a little one. God has another plan and it's going to be so much better than ours. Just like each one of "our" stories with our Father. No one has that same adoption story but they all end in the same place... being lavished with love by a heavenly Father. This father loves us more deeply than we even know we desire.

It is crazy to me all that is done for adoption. The sweet pursuit for a child. The time and the commitment that is poured into the process is exhaustive. But all of this to call someone else's child your own. Think of how long God went after the Israelites. He continually went after them, "you will be my people and I will be your God". Or when Jesus left the 99 to go after the 1. He left it all to seek out and find the one that he wanted to bring home. And even the most evident example of his commitment to us, sending His one and only Son to the cross. The ultimate sacrifice that makes adoption possible. All of this done out of love. Love for His people. A love that is forever and unconditional. I am overwhelmed at the thoughts of this love that God has for us. Adoption is just another earthly example of how we can see God's love is action and what a blessing it is.

"In love, He predestined us to be adopted as sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will." Ephesians 1:4b-5

I did it!

It is official I completed my first half marathon!! And my friend Liz was right...you do get the marathon blues once it is all said and done!

So last weekend I traveled home in anticipation of Saturday. I left on a Thursday and never have two days gone by so slowly. For two nights I had nightmares about the run. Thoughts of not making it to the start line and not being able to finish raced through my mind day and night. Fears crept in as I anxiously awaited Saturday morning.

Race day was here! Liz and I woke up earlier ate our breakfast and headed to the Botanical Gardens of Clemson bunny ears and all. As they shouted go on the mic we all began trotting forward. The end of a long awaited journey had just begun. I ran and continued running for the next 2 hours and 13 minutes! This race was quite the course for this low-country girl of six years. It was for sure an up hill up battle. My saturday training on the bridge didn't much compare to the continual climb this coarse gave me. But I finished and I was pleased. Liz encouraged me the entire way and I would not had made it make to the finish line had she not been there.

Two things I was reminded of when running and now looking back at the run. One this race much like my Christian faith is nearly impossible outside the encouragement and accountability of community. The Lord put us here and gave us friends and family because he knew and knows better than us all that we can't go through life on our own. We need each other to get to tomorrow, to laugh together, to cry together, to love together, and this list could go on. I am so thankful for this reminder and wake-up call to the blessing of community I live in now. I am so often clouded by my own life that I forget that I couldn't make it without the many lives around me.

The second was that the Lord has been, is, and will be my strength and victory! When I was younger I had a bone infection and came and went on three different occasions. At the time of my first surgery the doctors were shocked I was still walking. The infection once again came back and this time after surgery I was sent home with antibiotics for a year. Still feeling of being defeated and my dreams and goals at the time put on hold. Then again 14 years after the first incident the infection returned and I again had surgery. Months later I pulled half a toothpick out of my foot. It's a miracle that I have a foot. It's a miracle that I can still run. It's a victory that I ran 13.1 miles! The Lord has much more in store for this life is has given me. As I live in His strength and claim his victory I will one day cross the finish line and my prayer is that He will call me a good and faithful servant.

But as for now I will continue running and I'm on hunt and another half! The year of first in this year of 24 is only the beginning of seeking to live fully and that life is found in the Lord.

I couldn't finish without recognizing my biggest fans!

perspectives

So being in the midst of college ministry sure does have its perks! One being...I still get SPRING BREAK! Oh the many thoughts when one hears the words spring and break together. You may think of your own spring breaks or you may go straight to all assumptions of college kids "livin' it up" at a beach a Florida or Mexico.

Well for me I was no where near the sunny shores. From Tuesday to Sunday I traveled through 8 states and spent four days on a road (two days there and two day back). What a journey. Myself, my momma, and my daddy all pack in "Barbara Jean" (that's my car, a blue Ford Explorer). Over the hills and through the plains to grandmother's house we went, Moline, Kansas. The name of the town brings so much truth to all the excitement that goes on in the town..not much. The biggest time we have ever had there was when we were there in May one summer and there was a parade for all the local alumni. They walked down main street and didn't even throw our candy!


These few days in Moline were different though. 1. I had never been there without my brothers. I had no one to share in my humor of this place or laugh at dad with because of his obsession with barn yard stew (toasted bread soaked in pudding and heated. its as gross as it sounds) 2. I haven't been to Kansas in almost 4 yrs! I have changed yet the town not so much.

Since I was in training for my half marathon I went running all through the town which has a beauty all in its own. But I ran across this old house...

To you this could look like an old beat up house. A yard with no color. A house that was once white now covered and has a tint of grey. This house was once my heaven. This house was once a mansion to me. This dirty driveway was once my interstate. This yard now with barely any grass was once my field to roam. As I ran by I couldn't help but stop. I looked forward to summers in Kansas. It was such an adventure to me to live in this house. I learned to ride a bike in that driveway. This is the place I first hopped up onto the back of a horse. This was the place where you couldn't stop my imagination!  Pure joy. 

As I stopped and thought of all the memories that were had both in and out of that old house I almost began to cry, because for some reason this house just didn't seem quite so grand. I thought to myself... Is it just because I am now 24 and not 7? Have I really lost my child like perspective on life? Or am does everything on this earth just seem small to me know because not only have I experienced more of life, but I have experienced more of Christ? This is where I settled and am still reminded of each day since being back. My God is so big. Bigger than any thing, any circumstance, and any being here on earth. 

My prayer as I look at the photo of that old is house is that I will strive each day to not make much of this world but continue to make much of my Jesus. 

a few more photos of our trip...all taken with my iPhone so don't judge the quality. 

Driving out of St Louis. Snapped one more picture and I like it!

The view for miles!!

The moment we arrived in the great state of Kansas!! (GO JAYHAWKS!)

the day of love.

As a girl of my age (hahaha) and being single this precious day and bring so many different emotions! But how sweet is it to know that though the world looks at me today and has pity for me that I poses a love that conquers all things. No greater love will I ever have than the love I had today. I have a Father who in the midst of my rebellion came down and pulled me out of my pit. I am loved by a man who gave his life for me. And because he loves me so I am capable of loving. So as I think about today and how I could get wrapped up in this season of singleness the Lord has me in and "mourn" I refuse because today I will rejoice because I am loved and I can love!

I am loved. I am blessed. I can love. I choose to love with the and by the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Today I expected nothing, because I have it all. But the Lord has chosen those you know me best to remind me that I am loved (because it is easily forgotten). My momma and daddy have given me their world and I am grateful. They continually give to me and take nothing for themselves. I am too often ungrateful for their selfless love for me! A surprise visit from daddy and a little pink bag with a little white box inside opened to find a beautiful bracelet with a little red heart. An unexpected treasure.

The Lord has blessed me with so many friends. These friendships are like angels sent to push me to Jesus. to make me smile when I can't see the goodness in the day. The friends are young and old.

These friends that I have come to realize I can't live without the past two years and don't know how I have lived life without them. These friends have become like family to me so quickly. They have cared to know me to the deeper parts of my heart. And because they know my selfish ways they know that my love language is gift receiving! They are so special to me not because they gave me a gift but because they took the time to think of me. Thank you Brady and Kelly!

friends and family alike they love me so well because they too have this love that comes from a mighty God. 

So today I do want to love. I want to love my friends. I want to love my family. but I want to send my valentine to my Jesus. 

24: the year of possibilities

So as the year continues and my friends come to join me in this great age of 24 I try to convince them that this just might be one of the greatest years of life! There is so much to be had at the age of 24. Whether or not if I have convinced anymore I do believe this year (i guess for me I have a big 7 months and 16 days left) holds a great deal for me and I praise God for it!

Let me just bring you up to date on the happenings of 24! For the first time in 24 years I spent my birthday at a theme park...that's pretty exciting right? So I started off with a bang! The month of November brought lots of learning from the Lord through circumstances and a small adjustment of adding 4 children to the family. December sent me across the world! Spent 10 days in India with some of my bestest friends. The Lord continued to open my heart and hands to HIS plan not my own. Changing all sorts of perspectives that I have had for many years.

Then we reach the year 2012! Year year's is always exciting and I have been determined to try new things! January gave me a massage. I have been asking for one of these for at least 3 years and I finally just went and paid for it myself! I needed  wanted it after a long December and so I did it. Why? Because I am 24!

Now I find myself in February and time is not stopping and neither are the possibilities or I'd like to call them blessings! I found myself signing up for a half-marathon... I will let you know in April if I regret that decision. And oh the blessings that February have brought!! I found out last night that I myself will be an aunt... sooner or later! My brother and sister-in-law are adopting! They are super excited to start this process and I'm super excited to spoil the crap out of someone else's child!

As I look forward I see God moving and working in me and through me! So the next 7 1/2 months excite me and when I wake up each morning I pray the Lord to surprise me... so that I will never find myself thinking I am in control or living in a life full of easy predictions. (My God is not predictable! He holds great things for those who repent and believe!)

I recently made this 14 layer chocolate cake! I only made one minor mistake...but it still tasted delicious!