created for more

On the edge of October I sit in fear and anxiety. You say it is just another day, a new month, no big deal! I see as September turns into October the end of a year and the beginning of a another. For as long as I can remember October 1 and the weekend before or after have been some of the greatest days of the year! The biggest birthday blow-outs! Much thought and planning, by my mother and aunt, to make my day unique and very special! Though this year I am fearful. This is the first year in my life I am not excited about this change.

I turn t w e n t y-s e v e n.  I am sure you all were expecting more dramatic, but for some reason I can't get over it. This evening as I drove home (from what is becoming one of my most favorite times of the week) I cried just thinking that Wednesday is now one day closer. Turning 27 is beginning to feel as though I am being slapped in the face.

SO why? What's the big deal? Why is this year so much different than the last? Honestly I don't know. Am I being tempted by Satan to paralyze me in my ministry? Are my current circumstances and relational status overwhelming me? Theses questions have haunted me recently. As I sat and went through today's "Children of the Day" study by Beth Moore she dealt with a question I think I have been shouting in my heart for years... "WHO KNOWS??". Beth answered the question very simply and truth that I know in the depths of my heart, "God knows".

My birthday has been consuming much of my thought life the past week and something that has kept coming to mind is that I am created for more, s o  m u c h  m o r e! At first I felt arrogant in my thinking, because to be honest I don't come wrapped in humility. Then the more I thought the more truth I saw in my thinking. I am created for more. You are created for more. I have a deep longing for something more than what this life has to offer me and I pray you do too. I had to remind myself that I will never be content with what this world throws at me no matter my circumstances. Today, this year and every day and year after I will be longing for the hope in seeing Jesus face to face! The eternal glory that I have been created for! The glorifcation of my soul with a body made new and whole and perfect.

Yes, the truth of my heart is that there is fear and anexity in what each day holds and where I may find myself next year. The strong desire to be able to give an answer to the questions "what's next" or "what do you want to do" and my favorite "when are you going to get yourself a man". I wish I could give everyone details and dates. I honestly wish I could give myslef those details also. Yet as I sit at the edge of 27 I don't have those answers. All I know is that tomorrow, if I wake, I am going to seek to know God and make him known! I will strive to walk in obedience to my Lord as I lean into greater dependence on Him. And I will remind myself each day that I am created for more and that more is the eternity with Jesus!

terrible photo but this was from my 25 bday. 25 and mom and dad surprised me with dinner with all my friends.