Looking Back // 2014

What a year 2014 has been! Sometimes at the end of a year many people are sad to see it go. Overwhelmed with what's to come and fearful of the unknown. Others are thrilled and on January 1st breathe a sigh of relief that they can say goodbye to a year that was just difficult. I don't think I fit into either of those categories today. Last year my word was trust. And I in all of my power tried to trust and with all the grace that has been given to me I trusted. I trusted not in myself but in Jesus. This year has been so fun! It has been a joy and privilege to do life with so many new friends and old friends. By no means have I deserved this year. I have learned much of myself and much more of Jesus. Through tears, triumphs, joys, disappoints, unmet desires, brokenness, laughter, and many smiles I leaned into Jesus. With great joy I close the chapter called 2015 and with great eagerness I start this new chapter of 2015.

So here's to 2014 as we revisit through pictures.

created for more

On the edge of October I sit in fear and anxiety. You say it is just another day, a new month, no big deal! I see as September turns into October the end of a year and the beginning of a another. For as long as I can remember October 1 and the weekend before or after have been some of the greatest days of the year! The biggest birthday blow-outs! Much thought and planning, by my mother and aunt, to make my day unique and very special! Though this year I am fearful. This is the first year in my life I am not excited about this change.

I turn t w e n t y-s e v e n.  I am sure you all were expecting more dramatic, but for some reason I can't get over it. This evening as I drove home (from what is becoming one of my most favorite times of the week) I cried just thinking that Wednesday is now one day closer. Turning 27 is beginning to feel as though I am being slapped in the face.

SO why? What's the big deal? Why is this year so much different than the last? Honestly I don't know. Am I being tempted by Satan to paralyze me in my ministry? Are my current circumstances and relational status overwhelming me? Theses questions have haunted me recently. As I sat and went through today's "Children of the Day" study by Beth Moore she dealt with a question I think I have been shouting in my heart for years... "WHO KNOWS??". Beth answered the question very simply and truth that I know in the depths of my heart, "God knows".

My birthday has been consuming much of my thought life the past week and something that has kept coming to mind is that I am created for more, s o  m u c h  m o r e! At first I felt arrogant in my thinking, because to be honest I don't come wrapped in humility. Then the more I thought the more truth I saw in my thinking. I am created for more. You are created for more. I have a deep longing for something more than what this life has to offer me and I pray you do too. I had to remind myself that I will never be content with what this world throws at me no matter my circumstances. Today, this year and every day and year after I will be longing for the hope in seeing Jesus face to face! The eternal glory that I have been created for! The glorifcation of my soul with a body made new and whole and perfect.

Yes, the truth of my heart is that there is fear and anexity in what each day holds and where I may find myself next year. The strong desire to be able to give an answer to the questions "what's next" or "what do you want to do" and my favorite "when are you going to get yourself a man". I wish I could give everyone details and dates. I honestly wish I could give myslef those details also. Yet as I sit at the edge of 27 I don't have those answers. All I know is that tomorrow, if I wake, I am going to seek to know God and make him known! I will strive to walk in obedience to my Lord as I lean into greater dependence on Him. And I will remind myself each day that I am created for more and that more is the eternity with Jesus!

terrible photo but this was from my 25 bday. 25 and mom and dad surprised me with dinner with all my friends. 

from darkness to LIGHT!

So for the two people that read my blog...I promised you more :) So here is a little more on my trip to Southeast Asia! 

1 Peter 2:9-10 But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light. Once you were not a people, not now you are God's people; once you had not received mercy but now you have received mercy.

This passage has always been one of my favorites. It is filled with so much! We see our natural state, we see Jesus, we see the God who called us out of the mess we were in, and we see who we are in Christ.  Often when I read these verses I read them with my western worldview. When reading them on the other side of the globe the Lord showed me even more truth. The faces I saw on the streets, the children I worked with, the many people I met all are walking in darkness or once were walking in the same darkness I once lived in. The darkness of sin. And the same God that called me into his marvelous light has called them also or still desires to call them into this light! Chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession these "labels" (for lack of a better word) aren't given because I am American or because I have done something to earn them. It is only because of the mercy and grace of my Father. My God who pulled me out of the miry pit. Southeast Asians...the entire globe actually...have this same opportunity. I am chosen because God chose me. I am a royal priesthood because God has invited me into His kingdom. I am a holy nation because God himself is holy and Jesus died so I might come into His righteousness. I am a people for his own possession because God desires to use His children for His own glory and for His kingdom! This is true for every believer I talked to even though communication was difficult and they looked different from me. We could join hands in the same battle. We could rejoice because we belong to the same Kingdom and we both belong to a people that belong to God. Seeing this first hand got me pretty excited! I have more in common with a brother or sister in Christ that lives across the world than I do to the young adult sitting beside me in Starbucks on a Monday afternoon in Greenville, SC that has no relationship with my Savior. Isn't that crazy cool! 

What a joy it was to live amongst these people for 11 days. The words I chose to describe my trip are faith, boldness, brokenness, and joy. These words describe the people I interacted with, the experiences I had, and the emotion of hearts. I wish I could describe the trip so vividly that you felt you were there, but I'm afraid you will just have to go yourself! 

faith. Doubting Jesus just wasn't an option with those we ministered with and had the privilege to dine with. Each of their ministries began with one step. Then step by step living in faithfulness and obedience to what the Lord had called them to. They prayed for their own needs, they prayed for others physical needs and they never doubted God! Each day they are faithfully moving forward. Each day they are loving the people God had place them with. Each day they do not worry about how they will keep the lights on or food on their tables. by faith live. 

boldness. I have never seen people with such boldness. I think of the many times I am nervous or fearful about striking up a conversation or sharing truth with a student or with a neighbor and I live in a Christian nation. A nation that is not going to lock me up or kill me for speaking of Jesus as Savior and Lord!! The boldness I saw and heard was so evident. They believe in the same truth of Jesus and they boldly spoke of this truth! They boldly went about their day looking for opportunity to share. How convicting! I have yet to share with my neighbors of the God I worship and they have lived by me for a year! I have yet to share with some students whom I have known for 2-3 years! Crazy!! What do I fear!?!? Scripture tells me I have nothing to fear for I serve a God who has conquered all things! Even hearing from a 17 year old who is the only Christian among all of her friends! She knows God's word and each day she lives boldly. She loves her friends, yet she never stands down when her faith and beliefs are being questioned! Talk about being a minority!

brokenness. My heart is broken for lost people. I do pray and hope that the students I am giving my life to will come into a relationship with God. The brokenness of heart that some of the women we met broke me. They love these people. They are constantly thinking and praying for the women they work with. Being brought to tears when just talking about the possibilities and opportunities opening up for these women. That is being broken for people. I cannot tell you the first or last time I was brought to tears over the students in Charleston who are far from God. Through their brokenness for people the Lord revealed to me my selfishness. How so often I am too concerned about when my day off is going to be or getting out of a meeting in time so I can get to my favorite worldly TV show. Most of my thoughts each and every day are about me. This is hard evidence that I am far too concerned with me and how I am going to prosper. I don't care if it's thinking about if I will ever get married or if it's what I am going to eat for lunch my thoughts and many prayers are about me and my future. This truly has challenged the way I live each day and my prayers. I am not saying I shouldn't have the freedom to bring my cares and worries to the Lord, but maybe I should tune my heart and mind to the things of the Lord more often than I do. Pray to be more greatly broken for those walking in darkness and for those who had sacrificed "normal" to live a life for God's kingdom! May "my kingdom" break so I may be a a part of the rebuilding of God's Kingdom!

joy. Oh what joy each and every day was. Joy was found in every conversation. Every car ride. Every walk down the street. Every moment with a friend. Every dinner we had with new friends. Each day was filled with Joy. What a privilege it was to be able to experience the joy of Jesus. There was nothing elegant about our trip. nothing that screamed vacation. But there was joy that I will recall for a lifetime. Seeing women light up when we open the word of God to share with them. Being a part of a ministry that is reaching an unreached people group. Meeting so many women who have given two years or their life to Southeast Asia. So much joy because Jesus was in each moment from start to finish! Jesus was a part of this trip and He is moving and working among these people.

Here are several more photos of our trip. Hope you enjoy! And please pray for the people of Southeast Asia. 

 

 

needy people

So I have had the privilege to leave the country three times in my short time. Each time I pack my bags, grab my passport, and head to the airport I realize just how fortunate I am. What a joy it is to experience cultures and the past two weeks in Bangladesh did not disappoint.

Sometimes in our lives I am convinced we too often forget that there is a world outside of our own. A great big world that is. So often I take ever second of my life for granted. I expect things to be easy. Expect life to give me the material things I am convinced are necessities. computers, cars, the newest iPhone, new outfit for every event in life, a new bag every Fall, new sunglasses for the summer, a new pair of shoes because it's Tuesday.. my list could go on forever. I find myself wondering if this is how the entire world lives. I do think to a degree the answer is yes. In our sinfulness we desire and expect all things that will help promote self. This is a constant battle for me and often a reminder when I am reading a few other blogs about living with less. And when I find myself at my worst the Lord grants me an opportunity to see for myself the other side of the world...

Bangladesh. Many of you have probably never heard of this tiny country on the east side of India. You should go look at a world map now. What a lovely place! I can genuinely say I love these people. They have the biggest eyes and sweetest smiles. Though par American standards this place would be considered dirty and stinky. Those words may be true but I think maybe America just might be missing the real beauty of this country. And that beauty is found in the people.

My time in Bangladesh seemed so short. I believe had I not had other obligations to be back I might have just stayed a little while longer! sorry mom... While there yes my heart was greatly broken for the weak and impoverished.  You can't walk out the door without being slapped in the face with the needs of people. It's everywhere, people asking for taka (money) or just a bite to eat, or a sip of water. The numbers of people who are in need of so many things is possibly immeasurable. If I lived there it would be hard for me not to become numb to these needs. I think so often I become so very numb to the needs of my own life and the needs of the people around me every day. I go on about life as though I have enough strength in myself to take on the day by myself. I have this facade of superwoman. I am unaware that I have many needs and the greatest of those needs is Jesus. While in Bangladesh or any third world country it is easy to think that I have it so much better and I have so much to offer these people. But the truth is I have nothing to offer these people or anyone for that matter but Jesus. The Lord has blessed me with so much and I might be able to satisfy a physical need or two but they will soon find themselves back where they started. My greatest need, your greatest need, and the greatest need around the world is all the same. The need of Jesus. May we all be needy people. May I find myself each day like a beggar at the feet of Jesus begging for more of him!

Stay tuned for more of what two weeks in Bangladesh did to me.