The Blue House in the Circle

Five years ago last weekend I graduated from the College of Charleston. That next day I began raising support for Campus Outreach, a college ministry. Little did I know what the past five years would bring. Once I reached full support  I headed to Charleston to serve at Charleston Southern University. After that first year I learned a lot about myself. Each day I went on the campus and tried my hardest. I had no idea what I was doing. That next year the Lord was so gracious to provide a house for us to do ministry.  The Blue House in the Circle. The past four years this house has been a home for many. I do not even remember who all has lived with me. In the beginning of this some told me I was crazy and I often wondered if they were right. The door has always been open to students from the university, so the number of people who have walked through our doors is only counted from the tracks in the carpet.

My excitement and prayer from the beginning was that this would be a place for the gospel to go forth. And as I sit and think over the past four years I do believe the Lord did so much more than I could have asked or imagined. I get teary eyed thinking of the all conversations that started at the table and ended on the couch which was usually followed by a movie. The many bible studies, discipleship groups, or individual times in the Word. In our old house students came in and left with at least a seed of the gospel planted.  Our back yard has been used for ministry events from student birthdays, Halloween, super bowl parties to sleep overs. Students decided to follow Jesus right there in the midst of everything else going on. I pray that the seeds that were planted in that house will continue to grow and that the ones who follow us as new renters will continue the legacy that was began.

As I sat in my room and continued to pack my belongings the tears began to flow for yet another time. As I say good bye to this house I am so sad. I feel like I am saying goodbye to so much more.. and I am. Moving out is yet another reality that Campus Outreach will no longer be ministering to students at CSU. I feel like I'm leaving part of my family behind. I also, for the probably the first time in four years, have been able to sit at the feet of Jesus and just say "thank you". I naturally have a Martha spirit 75% okay maybe 90% of the time. So just to be Mary and sit with Jesus and reflect on all that the Lord has done has been so refreshing. My heart is full of gratitude and overflowing with joy. I am so thankful the Lord saw it fit for me to serve students at CSU and so thankful the Lord graciously provided me and my students a place to gather. A place where I could serve my people. A place were we could be with Jesus together. A place where I could be me. Most of all I am so thankful for this season where the Lord has forced me to slow down and just glory in the cross. A season where I have no idea what is going on in the future yet I look back with gladness and forward with laughing.  A season were I must be dependent on Jesus because I've come to realize my independence will get me no where.

The blue house was a sweet place but today I'm looking to the future without fear and claiming the goodness, sovereignty, and provision of my Jesus.

Martha, Martha, you are anxious about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.                  Luke 10:41-42

People of the Book

What in the world does that mean, "people of the Book"?  What book and how can I as person be of a book?

Well the book just so happens to be the Word of God himself... more commonly known as the Bible. And being a person of this book simply means that your life reflects the words in between the two covers.

I spend some time each week at the college I begrudgingly entered in as a freshman almost nine years ago. Doesn't seem that it has been that long ago. I moved into my dorm room in downtown Charleston with high hopes to be packing my bags and moving back to the Upstate in a few short months, but little did I know that God had different plans for me. 

This is a picture of the heart of my beautiful campus. Many come to see this area when they come to Charleston. Many people have been engaged right here or have there wedding pictures taken here. Students enter this area as freshmen and anxiously await the day when they will also walk across a stage and receive their diploma in the same spot. In the spring, summer, and fall this place would be full of students and visitors going a walk, stopping for lunch, conversations with friends, or homework in the sun. 

When I sit and see this place it has so much more meaning than most students. Yes I did graduate here and yes many fun memories happened with great friends in this yard. But as I walk through here now as a graduate and almost five years of college ministry behind me what comes to mind is the first day I truly began to become a "people of the book". It was the kindness and grace of Jesus that allowed me to come to a school that I knew nothing about and that same kindness and grace that placed a girl in my life that took the time to share with me what she had been taught. A passion and desire to know God's word began in that green grass. It began with a dear friend teaching me how to study the word of God using Hebrews 4:12 For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and spirit, of joints and marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart. The truth of the word of God soaked into my heart, mind, and spirit and I still can't get enough! That September afternoon was the first time anyone had ever took the time to teach me how to study scripture and the first time I realized the God of the Universe, the God I called Lord and Savior wanted me to know understand his word and his character as he transformed me into Christ likeness. I began to long to read and know the Word of God. Studying it brought and still brings me great delight as well as challenges me to walk in the standards not of the world but of God. This hour spent with a friend transformed my life forever. 

Almost nine years later I continue to study the word and God and pray that I will continue to be a person of the Book. That my life and heart would reflect that of Jesus. And I take great delight in sitting down with college students just like me and teaching them how to study the Word of God and praying that they would become people of the Book. I never would have thought that one day during my freshmen year of college would transform all of my hopes, dreams, passions, etc. But it happened. All because of scripture piercing my heart and a God-given passion to teach and help women know the Word of God. The Lord continues to give me a bigger and greater desire to help women to know and understand scripture, for women to desire not emotional experiences but desire to make biblical decisions and convictions for themselves and families (if they have one), and for women to understand for the Lord has purposed for women in the Kingdom of God! What a joy it is to see women for the first time studying, meditating, praying, and rejoicing over scripture all to know God and make Him known!

So thank you sweet friend. Thank you for walking in obedience. Though you were young and still learning yourself, you took the time to invest and because of that I am forever grateful for you. Thank you for being a part in what God had and still has for me. 

"For who has despised the day of small things?..." Zechariah 4:10

JOY: 2015 word

As I have thought about choosing a word for this year since before the new year I have thought about so many sweet memories of this past year. Opportunities the Lord gave me to just trust. Trusting in Him is the sweetest place to be and leaning in and even trusting when I really wanted to doubt taught me more about the Lord then I could have ever imagined. Trusting was also difficult. I often doubted, I often doubt. But oh how sweet it is sweet to stretched and challenged to trust when we can't see the outcome. As much as I just wanted to keep the same word I decided not to, but this doesn't mean I stop trusting. I pray my life is a demonstration of what is looks like to trust in Jesus in every breath.

As January is about to reach it's halfway point I have decided my word will be JOY. One of my dear students (and friend) made me think about having a word such as joy. She told me it should be something that makes my heart leap (at least that's what I think she was trying to tell me..). So I considered this. Asking myself, "what makes my heart leap"? I looked to the Lord through his word and prayer. I looked around me at my current circumstances. I thought about areas in my life where I desired growth. And somehow and for some reason the word JOY kept coming to mind. By nature I'm learning I am very much a pessimist so I often refuse joy and for some reason choose frustration, anger, or apathy. Also, I'm a realist, so often joy is difficult when I see the state of the world for what is it. I think JOY is going to be literally life changing is that I have a need to revamp my definition of joy. When I'm waiting, anxious, annoyed, confused, etc. I can't seem to grasp joy. My understanding of the Lord and His joy is so shallow. Though in the midst of this first month of January many many people and families around me are struggling. They are in seasons of drought. seasons of suffering. How can there be joy is seasons where you are staring at death's front door? How can there be joy when there is so much sin and rebellion in the world? How can there be joy when you just want to sit and ask the Lord why? How can there be joy when you are disappointed yet again?

There is joy for those who are in Christ Jesus. There is joy because we have hope in what's to come. There is joy because I deserve death and wrath everyday but Jesus chose to be obedient to death on a cross so that I might have life. JOY. May I not allow the world to define my joy. May I not allow the world to steal my joy. May my joy be full and complete in Jesus. May my joy be defined by the cross of my savior!

So this year my prayer for myself is that

I may find joy in healing 

I may find joy in patience

I may find joy in new beginnings

I may find joy in faithfulness

I may find joy in persistence

I may find joy in change

I may find joy in the mundane

I may find joy in disappointments

I may find joy when my desires so unmet

I may find joy in having my hands open for the will of the Lord

I may find joy in each day and in every moment and all circumstances.

May I see more and know more of the Lord in the year 2015. Teach me. Mold me. Change me.

But now I am coming to you, and these things I speak in the world, that they may have my joy fulfilled in themselves. 

John 17:13

Looking Back // 2014

What a year 2014 has been! Sometimes at the end of a year many people are sad to see it go. Overwhelmed with what's to come and fearful of the unknown. Others are thrilled and on January 1st breathe a sigh of relief that they can say goodbye to a year that was just difficult. I don't think I fit into either of those categories today. Last year my word was trust. And I in all of my power tried to trust and with all the grace that has been given to me I trusted. I trusted not in myself but in Jesus. This year has been so fun! It has been a joy and privilege to do life with so many new friends and old friends. By no means have I deserved this year. I have learned much of myself and much more of Jesus. Through tears, triumphs, joys, disappoints, unmet desires, brokenness, laughter, and many smiles I leaned into Jesus. With great joy I close the chapter called 2015 and with great eagerness I start this new chapter of 2015.

So here's to 2014 as we revisit through pictures.

created for more

On the edge of October I sit in fear and anxiety. You say it is just another day, a new month, no big deal! I see as September turns into October the end of a year and the beginning of a another. For as long as I can remember October 1 and the weekend before or after have been some of the greatest days of the year! The biggest birthday blow-outs! Much thought and planning, by my mother and aunt, to make my day unique and very special! Though this year I am fearful. This is the first year in my life I am not excited about this change.

I turn t w e n t y-s e v e n.  I am sure you all were expecting more dramatic, but for some reason I can't get over it. This evening as I drove home (from what is becoming one of my most favorite times of the week) I cried just thinking that Wednesday is now one day closer. Turning 27 is beginning to feel as though I am being slapped in the face.

SO why? What's the big deal? Why is this year so much different than the last? Honestly I don't know. Am I being tempted by Satan to paralyze me in my ministry? Are my current circumstances and relational status overwhelming me? Theses questions have haunted me recently. As I sat and went through today's "Children of the Day" study by Beth Moore she dealt with a question I think I have been shouting in my heart for years... "WHO KNOWS??". Beth answered the question very simply and truth that I know in the depths of my heart, "God knows".

My birthday has been consuming much of my thought life the past week and something that has kept coming to mind is that I am created for more, s o  m u c h  m o r e! At first I felt arrogant in my thinking, because to be honest I don't come wrapped in humility. Then the more I thought the more truth I saw in my thinking. I am created for more. You are created for more. I have a deep longing for something more than what this life has to offer me and I pray you do too. I had to remind myself that I will never be content with what this world throws at me no matter my circumstances. Today, this year and every day and year after I will be longing for the hope in seeing Jesus face to face! The eternal glory that I have been created for! The glorifcation of my soul with a body made new and whole and perfect.

Yes, the truth of my heart is that there is fear and anexity in what each day holds and where I may find myself next year. The strong desire to be able to give an answer to the questions "what's next" or "what do you want to do" and my favorite "when are you going to get yourself a man". I wish I could give everyone details and dates. I honestly wish I could give myslef those details also. Yet as I sit at the edge of 27 I don't have those answers. All I know is that tomorrow, if I wake, I am going to seek to know God and make him known! I will strive to walk in obedience to my Lord as I lean into greater dependence on Him. And I will remind myself each day that I am created for more and that more is the eternity with Jesus!

terrible photo but this was from my 25 bday. 25 and mom and dad surprised me with dinner with all my friends. 

from darkness to LIGHT!

So for the two people that read my blog...I promised you more :) So here is a little more on my trip to Southeast Asia! 

1 Peter 2:9-10 But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light. Once you were not a people, not now you are God's people; once you had not received mercy but now you have received mercy.

This passage has always been one of my favorites. It is filled with so much! We see our natural state, we see Jesus, we see the God who called us out of the mess we were in, and we see who we are in Christ.  Often when I read these verses I read them with my western worldview. When reading them on the other side of the globe the Lord showed me even more truth. The faces I saw on the streets, the children I worked with, the many people I met all are walking in darkness or once were walking in the same darkness I once lived in. The darkness of sin. And the same God that called me into his marvelous light has called them also or still desires to call them into this light! Chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession these "labels" (for lack of a better word) aren't given because I am American or because I have done something to earn them. It is only because of the mercy and grace of my Father. My God who pulled me out of the miry pit. Southeast Asians...the entire globe actually...have this same opportunity. I am chosen because God chose me. I am a royal priesthood because God has invited me into His kingdom. I am a holy nation because God himself is holy and Jesus died so I might come into His righteousness. I am a people for his own possession because God desires to use His children for His own glory and for His kingdom! This is true for every believer I talked to even though communication was difficult and they looked different from me. We could join hands in the same battle. We could rejoice because we belong to the same Kingdom and we both belong to a people that belong to God. Seeing this first hand got me pretty excited! I have more in common with a brother or sister in Christ that lives across the world than I do to the young adult sitting beside me in Starbucks on a Monday afternoon in Greenville, SC that has no relationship with my Savior. Isn't that crazy cool! 

What a joy it was to live amongst these people for 11 days. The words I chose to describe my trip are faith, boldness, brokenness, and joy. These words describe the people I interacted with, the experiences I had, and the emotion of hearts. I wish I could describe the trip so vividly that you felt you were there, but I'm afraid you will just have to go yourself! 

faith. Doubting Jesus just wasn't an option with those we ministered with and had the privilege to dine with. Each of their ministries began with one step. Then step by step living in faithfulness and obedience to what the Lord had called them to. They prayed for their own needs, they prayed for others physical needs and they never doubted God! Each day they are faithfully moving forward. Each day they are loving the people God had place them with. Each day they do not worry about how they will keep the lights on or food on their tables. by faith live. 

boldness. I have never seen people with such boldness. I think of the many times I am nervous or fearful about striking up a conversation or sharing truth with a student or with a neighbor and I live in a Christian nation. A nation that is not going to lock me up or kill me for speaking of Jesus as Savior and Lord!! The boldness I saw and heard was so evident. They believe in the same truth of Jesus and they boldly spoke of this truth! They boldly went about their day looking for opportunity to share. How convicting! I have yet to share with my neighbors of the God I worship and they have lived by me for a year! I have yet to share with some students whom I have known for 2-3 years! Crazy!! What do I fear!?!? Scripture tells me I have nothing to fear for I serve a God who has conquered all things! Even hearing from a 17 year old who is the only Christian among all of her friends! She knows God's word and each day she lives boldly. She loves her friends, yet she never stands down when her faith and beliefs are being questioned! Talk about being a minority!

brokenness. My heart is broken for lost people. I do pray and hope that the students I am giving my life to will come into a relationship with God. The brokenness of heart that some of the women we met broke me. They love these people. They are constantly thinking and praying for the women they work with. Being brought to tears when just talking about the possibilities and opportunities opening up for these women. That is being broken for people. I cannot tell you the first or last time I was brought to tears over the students in Charleston who are far from God. Through their brokenness for people the Lord revealed to me my selfishness. How so often I am too concerned about when my day off is going to be or getting out of a meeting in time so I can get to my favorite worldly TV show. Most of my thoughts each and every day are about me. This is hard evidence that I am far too concerned with me and how I am going to prosper. I don't care if it's thinking about if I will ever get married or if it's what I am going to eat for lunch my thoughts and many prayers are about me and my future. This truly has challenged the way I live each day and my prayers. I am not saying I shouldn't have the freedom to bring my cares and worries to the Lord, but maybe I should tune my heart and mind to the things of the Lord more often than I do. Pray to be more greatly broken for those walking in darkness and for those who had sacrificed "normal" to live a life for God's kingdom! May "my kingdom" break so I may be a a part of the rebuilding of God's Kingdom!

joy. Oh what joy each and every day was. Joy was found in every conversation. Every car ride. Every walk down the street. Every moment with a friend. Every dinner we had with new friends. Each day was filled with Joy. What a privilege it was to be able to experience the joy of Jesus. There was nothing elegant about our trip. nothing that screamed vacation. But there was joy that I will recall for a lifetime. Seeing women light up when we open the word of God to share with them. Being a part of a ministry that is reaching an unreached people group. Meeting so many women who have given two years or their life to Southeast Asia. So much joy because Jesus was in each moment from start to finish! Jesus was a part of this trip and He is moving and working among these people.

Here are several more photos of our trip. Hope you enjoy! And please pray for the people of Southeast Asia.