The Lord has taught me so much about this the past few months. As long as I can remember I have always been one to enjoy dreaming for what's next, looking for the next journey! Yet also very realistic with myself and circumstances. The past few months I've been searching. Searching for the next journey, looking for a new beginning, a fresh start, my next "calling". I put a lot of different titles on it, but no matter the tittle it's led me to the same spot. BE. As I searched different ministries and job opportunities nothing really came up and I didn't have a peace about any of it. The Lord has given me a vision for the gospel and I am learning that it really doesn't matter the context in which I share it! Though most importantly the Lord has called me to himself. To know Him. To love Him. To BE with Him.
The past few months have passed by so quickly and I already look back and think I could have spent a little more time there, I shouldn't have rushed through that, but in the past months of 2013 I have met with Jesus. I have learned so much more about myself and about my Jesus. I can do this for the rest of 2013 and forever! He tells us to do this you know. "Be still and know that I am God." He shows us by example many times as He goes off to a place of solitude. Still it seems so difficult to slow down and be in awe of our Savior. Many times the Lord forces us to do this through our circumstances. This is what happened to me and happening to many that I know. The Lord will get our attention and the Lord will get his glory!
I was becoming so discontent in every day life. The mundane of life. This discontentment then led me to guilt. I do ministry with college students for a living shouldn't this be the most exciting and joyful job I could ever dream. I didn't believe that. I was beginning to believe lies that the enemy was pouring down. He knows my weaknesses better than I do... and he's not afraid of them. I wasn't in a good spot and I was fully aware just didn't know what to do. Now thinking back it all seems so silly. How couldn't I see the Lord just wanted me to be with Him. Something I hadn't done in a while. I was doing ministry out of my own skills and strengths that has come through doing ministry the past three years. I was acting as though I was dependent upon myself. I wasn't acknowledging the presence of God. As I diagnosed myself I was ashamed. I had become so blind to my own neediness. I was saddened at the way I had and still try to function. I had stopped preaching the gospel I was teaching of on campus to myself. By the grace of God he revealed this to me and is daily leading me to a new place in Him. I am overjoyed and humbled by how the Lord has shown himself to me and how he is so very gracious in bringing healing to his children.
The Lord is teaching me to slow down. To live for today, not tomorrow. To not miss out on the opportunities that are right in front of me. To worship the God of yesterday, today, and tomorrow. Not to just look to the God of tomorrow. And mostly importantly not to fear but to trust. Trust that the Lord knows and has planned a better plan for me than I or any one else could do!
