Home for Christmas

This might be all over the place. This past few weeks my thoughts have been all over the place. I have sat to put words on this screen and my thoughts just couldn't be put into sentences. So, tonight I'm going to give it a try.

The phrase "I'll be home for Christmas" sits differently with me tonight. As I listen to Dave Barnes rendition of the song I wish I knew for certain this would be true for my entire family. I wish I could say with great confidence that my family would gather together at my Nana and Papa's house around the tree, but the Lord is doing big things in the midst of this season and this just might not be so.

Home- described many different ways by dictionary.com. My favorite being; the dwelling place or retreat for an animal. But really home can be so many different places for someone. I am learning more and more of my view of home. When I think of home I automatically go back to the place where I spent over eighteen years, but that place wouldn't have been home without the people who created each memory my mind quickly goes to. I am very familiar with this place I call home, but I do believe no matter our dwelling place home would be wherever I found my daddy who protects, my momma who serves, and my two older brothers who...well were a bother joy. So Christmas this year will I be home? No. My home will be incomplete. My brother will not be back till almost July of 2013..guess we could have Christmas in July?!?!

But that's not why my thoughts are so scattered nor does it have to do with the big things the Lord is doing. Home does though. Our littlest addition continues to keep us all on our toes with much anticipation. A week ago today he had just went through open heart surgery. He had complete repair of his heat defects that he was born with. (I am not going to talk like I know what I'm talking about when it comes to his surgery. The only thing I remember is that he had four tears/holes somewhere and the latter part of the name of the condition is the doctor who identified the defect.) Our sweet Brinkley is fourteen weeks old and his place of dwelling has been the hospital for nine of those weeks. Seven weeks in Greenville and thus far almost 2 weeks in Charleston. So how do you describe home for this little guy? Home can't just be in a place. He hasn't had the privilege of knowing the comfort or warmth of a home much at all. The only dwelling place that is familiar to him is a hospital bed. A place that I myself have become too familiar with these past two weeks. Never have I ever wished to walk the halls of MUSC Children's Hospital as much as I have the past few days.  His "family" tends to be growing though. He has had so many sweet nurses caring for him each and every hour of the day. His mother and father have been pleading with the Lord to heal their sweet baby. His big brother just wants him to run and play! And more people than we can count have heard his story and have been praying for him. Home for this sweet boy has to be wherever those who love him are. And all those who love him most are in the Upstate. As Brinkley's big brother Reese would say, "Charleston just needs to come nearer".

I digress and go back to the song "I'll be home for Christmas". Our prayer is just that for our sweet Brinkley. Tonight is the eve of yet another procedure. Tomorrow he will receive a pacemaker. He still waits for the oxygen tubes to be removed from his tiny throat and we hope for IV's to be taken out. To see that sweet boy lying on the bed hooked up to all sorts of machines and tubes coming out from just about everywhere is heartbreaking. I pray that there is a light at the end of this tunnel. I pray that in 11 days the entire family (minus Jeremy) will gather around Nana and Papa's tree. I pray that as the Lord sends him and his parents through this season that someone will see a glimpse of the gospel and that his parents will be drawn nearer to the Lord. I pray that we all will see the steadfast love and grace of the Lord. I pray that we all will be home for Christmas! 

These are pictures from last week from before his surgery. I can't wait to cuddle this cute face again soon!

remembering

Tonight I sit and write about a theme that the Lord has put in front of me for the past few months. Remembering. Remembering His faithfulness. Remembering His promises. Remembering the ways He shows Himself to me. Remembering His love for me.

This semester I have been going through the Old Testament. Seeing how God remained with Israel and how often He told them to set up remembrances made me go back and think of seasons I needed to build monuments to remember. To go back to those places where God showed his faithfulness and his love to me. Go back to those places where God had brought me out of a wilderness and into a promise land.

This week has taken me back, forced me to remember. A year ago I jumped on a plane with a group of girls, few of which I really knew, and headed to a land I barely knew. Little did I know that ten days there would change me. I quickly feel in love with the small faces and enjoyed every moment ministering to the many people we met. The Lord taught me so much about myself and my need to go. He also surprisingly confirmed my place in ministry with Campus Outreach. The Lord also brought new and lasting friendships that I had been longing for. He took me out of a season of loneliness and into a promised place of His gracious providence.

Tonight I remember the sounds, the smells, the big brown eyes, the constant motion. I remember the sweet boys who just needed a second chance, the children who rejoiced over a quick bathe and plate full of rice, the humble women who sat before me as a scrubbed their feet and painted their toes, the sweet women who joyfully gave their lives to the ministry of Jesus Christ.  I do long to head east again soon, but for now I am here and hold tightly to the sweet memories of India.

my safe place

Yesterday marked the end of my 6 week journey through Deuteronomy with Beth Moore. This journey has been truly intriguing. What I thought was just an old testament book of law has become so much more. This study has become a place where I have built a monument of remembrance. Studying the cycle of the Israelites I have learned why the Lord has asked us to "do this in Remembrance". Our easiest pit is becoming so satisfied with what life has to offer and sometimes (most times) these are blessings from the Lord himself that we forget the Lord. We forget what we have come from. We forget grace. We forget mercy. We forget our Father, our Creator, our Healer, our God. We must remember the works of the Lord or we will fall into sin of making ourselves our own god. We must remember or we become prideful and arrogant in our own abilities (which were given to us from Him so you think it'd be easy to remember).

Yesterday we ended our time in Deuteronomy 33 and 34 (which makes complete sense since those are the last 2 chapters of the book...). Boy did/do I love reading 33:26-29!

"There is none like God, O Jeshurun, who rides through the heavens to your help, through the skies in his majesty. The eternal God is your dwelling place, and underneath are the everlasting arms. And he thrust out the enemy before you and said, Destroy. So Israel lived in safety, Jacob lived alone, in a land of grain and wine, whose heavens drop down dew. Happy are you, O Israel! Who is like you, a people saved by the Lord, the shield of your help, and the sword of your triumph! Your enemies shall come fawning to you, and you shall tread upon their backs."

My safe place is in the Lord. No matter where this journey leads me I am "safe" in the Lord. This promise isn't saying that I will never hurt or that I will never be in danger. The Lord has called me to battle. He has called me to take the gospel to the wolves. So I will go praying the whole way that the Lord would use me and protect me and I my strong-willed, self-righteous self will rest under the wings of the Lord. So often I fail at this. I trust more in me to protect and all my self protecting tactics lead to is riding the bench. I allow myself to stand on the sidelines just watching war waging around me because of fear and doing what I think is right. I am "protecting myself right out of a calling!" (Beth Moore)

So as I close this book I desire to remember. Every time I see these pages I will be reminded of the works of the Lord and the daunting cycle of the Israelites. I desire to live a life remembering Jesus and I can best do that by talking about him! So let my lips never shut. Open your mouth and remember. And as I live to do this I know that I am dwelling in my safe place. In the place with my Savior. In a place were grace is lavished and mercy reigns. A place where blessing pour down like rain. A place that may lead to suffering, but this suffering is for my sanctification and it is good. A place where I am armed with shield and sword. A place where I can rest in the arms of my Redeemer.

joining in on the fun!

So today I am finally joining in on of the with Miscellany Monday from lowercase letters. Every Monday my friend Carissa writes on the miscellaneous things of her life. So here i go...

1. I love birthdays. And there is nothing better than celebrating birthdays with friends. Last Monday I turned 25 which I have been a little hesitant about but there is no stopping time! So I'm 25 and a week today and so far so good.

2. We had our Fall Retreat this past weekend in Rock Hill. We spent all day Saturday at Carowinds and that is when I began to realize that i wasn't 18 anymore. By the end of the day I was exhausted! The weekend was great though. I had lots of good time with the girls from CSU. We also heard the gospel clearly presented 3 times and the students were challenged to make Jesus their treasure.

3. Completely random but I wanted to share! Please visit this website! http://www.chachaforchange.com/ There is a family at my church here is Charleston who is raising funds to build a home and start a ministry near the hospital downtown for families who have to come to MUSC children's hospital for an extended period of time. Check out there story and there journey over the past two years. But if you are going to be in Charleston on December 1 register for the second annual Ansley's attempt! They need 3300 people to make this happen!

4. So it's been over a month since sweet little Brinkley was born! Little Brinkley is still in the hospital and still needs your prayers. He continues to have a little difficulty with feeding. Yesterday the family got to meet Brinkley through the window they were all so excited! Here's a video of the meeting! Thanks Stephanie for sharing!

              (I stole these photos from my aunt...I wish that i could have been this close though)

today begins a new season

Just yesterday I was 24 and I claimed that 24 would be "my year of possibilities". And it was just that. I put myself out there and tried things I'd never done before, accomplished goals, and grew up a bit. But today I am 25. This day is bitter sweet because 24 was so great and I let me be me and I opened myself up for change. I was excited and joyful for a whole year about the possibilities life might throw at me. So I sit and think why should 25 look any differently. Over the course of the past year I have begin to see that the Lord does not want anything but for me to walk in obedience and seek opportunity in each day. This truth has opened me up to enjoy life and all that my God has created! This year the Lord has just as much or even more in store for me than the last. I am excited to begin this season and walk on the path the Lord has planned out for me.

Also, this weekend I was able to not only put on my 8th bridesmaid dress but I was able to celebrate the marriage of 2 very special friends. I have had the joy to love and encourage these friends in their relationship not only with each other but also with the Lord. They have been dear to me for several years now. Their relationship has had there ups and downs like any other relationship but I will say that I have never seen such a relationship that speaks the gospel so clearly. The way they were pulled apart for seasons and kept fighting for each. They love each other with all their being. You can see the joy that they bring each other through their love for each other. Just like the Lord delights to love his children and Christ fights for a relationship with each one of his people. Watching these two individuals be joined in matrimony was a beautiful celebration! The vows that said to one another and before God brought tears to my eyes. These who were once far off have been brought together and made one. Their story speaks forgiveness, redemption, and now victory. I was overjoyed (and a little anxious) all weekend just knowing that their marriage will do wonders for the Kingdom of God.

so a new season today. another year. another friend married. the Lord continues to teach much of him and much of myself. He continues to stretch me and take me places of humility and growth. I am excited for this new year I'm excited for new friends and old friends and being joyful for friends who are also walking into new seasons!

 Ben and Kay's wedding reception! She was one beautiful bride!

 mom and dad stayed all day sunday to surprise me for birthday dinner!

my friends helping me celebrate! the Lord has blessed me with some pretty great friends and this is just a few! thanks for celebrating me!

fearfully and wonderfully made

For you formed my inward parts;

you knitted me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

Wonderful are your works;

my soul knows it very well.

My frame was not hidden from you, 

when I was being made in secret, 

intricately woven in the depths of the earth.

Your eyes saw my unformed substance;

in your book were written, every one of them

the days that were formed for me,

when as yet there was none of them.

Psalm 139:13-16

An often read Psalm today means so much more to me than it did a week ago. The truth that I have believed for many years is so much sweeter today. Today marks one week. One week since the birth of another cousin. I didn't really grow up a whole bunch of kids in the family other than my two brothers. Seeing as my mother and father are the only ones who thought it would be a good idea to have more than one kid and the fact that my mom's brother and sister are several years younger than her I was 14 before another youngin' was added to the bunch in Piedmont. It has been a joy though to be able to love on babies and babysit for my younger cousins. I digress. Brinkley James Holder was born to my uncle and aunt at 34 weeks. Brinkley came in at a whooping 3.2 pounds. Though I have yet to touch his tiny toes or hold his small hands this sweet boy is precious to me. Brinkley isn't only a preemie but also has been diagnosed with down syndrome. Many people in this world would look at this child and see no hope. They might even say his life will be worthless. But when I see that sweet face I see a boy who has been fearfully and wonderfully made. My Father in heaven has formed his body and He knows the steps which lie before him. My Father looks at Brinkley and says, "It is good." I am looking forward to watch Brinkley grow and develop and to experience the joy which I know he will bring to everyone his life touches. In just a week many people have been able to see his life and say "The Lord is good." If only people could look at each day of my life and see the goodness of the Lord. My soul truly sees this psalm in a new light. My soul now knows well the wonderful works of the Lord. 

Brinkley still has a long road ahead of him. Please join with us and pray for the little guy! We do know he will have to have heart surgery (probably at the beginning of the new year). Also, pray for his new family as mom, dad, and Reese (his big brother) adjust to the change of having a new baby. 

sweet Brinkley

                                                    Reese man meeting his little "bruhder"

eyes wide open! Brinkley's first day to wear clothes

The Holders' (first new family photo)

the excited Big Brother! 

And I got to spend time with the Big Brother while the little guy's mom and dad were still in the hospital!

My prayer for Brinkley is a prayer that I have began to pray for my own life and that is that people would see his life and unmistakably see the love, grace, mercy, and redemptive power of Jesus. That they would see him and see that the Lord has been at work in him and through him. 

So sweet little Brinkley I can't wait to hold you. I look forward to look back on this day and be able to say thank you to the almighty God we serve. To praise the Lord for how far you have come since week one. I love you already and pray that you know today that you sweet boy are loved by many many people and that the God who formed your body has big plans for your little life. 

                                                                                  

                                                                                

learning from a warrior

So today I write to just say thank you. The Lord has taken me on a journey and every year as I look back I realize that the roads I am traveling are not my own. These roads have never been seen as right to my flesh. My flesh tells me that there is so much more to this life, there is so much more joy to be found with a job that pays more, that I will be more satisfied with more in my closet or on my walls, and that if only I could find a husband life would be complete. But my soul sings with great joy. Why? Well because my soul sees the roads I am traveling belong to the Lord. My soul sees that I am living now for eternal glory with Jesus. My soul rejoices at places I have been and the places I will go. Who knows what lies ahead because you could have asked me a year ago if I would be where I am now and I would've laughed. 

So how did I get on this journey? (well other than giving my life to the Lord) I am coming to the realization I am where I am due to the warriors God has placed in my life. Now you wouldn't find pictures of these warriors in the Webster's dictionary, but maybe beside Ephesians 6. There have been older women in my life who have shown me what it means to walk with God. These woman have been  warriors in life. They have taught me how to love people like Jesus, to take great delight in the Word (Psalm 119), and how to commune with the Lord in prayer. Some young and some old but these women have all played a part in my "warrior in training" program.

Recently I had the privilege of sitting down and learning from one of these warriors. She shared with a group of young women about her prayer life. This time was more than encouraging. Her dependance on the Lord through prayer is convicting, but pushes me forward to become a warrior. I wanted to share her methods. 1. she prays scripture. The truth that the Word tells us is that his word does not return void. 2. she intercedes for people and so she can remember she writes their name and request on an index card. She saves the same card and adds request until the card is full. 3. she prays for missionaries. She keeps their post cards and other information. She prays for the country, their needs, and their desires. 4. she prays through an attribute of God each day and meditates on scripture that claims that attribute.  After spending only an hour with this warrior I felt the need to spend hours upon hours with her and just learn from her life and her walk with God. 

No matter where the Lord takes me if I could just take with me one thing form each of the women and put it into action I will be in good hands. I will be in the hands of the Lord. All these women have taught me something different, but each one rests in the hands of the Lord. Thank you Lord for giving me warriors. 

the crazy life

Something that I am sure of is that everyone has there own definition of "the crazy life". No one ever has a real grasp or control of situations and circumstances that arise. And I am no different than anyone else out there. My journey is crazy, unpredictable really. One thing that I have learned about being in ministry is that I have to always be ready to be open and welcoming but at the same time ready to say goodbye. It's pretty easy to type that, but emotionally it puts you on a roller coaster. Just in my short years in ministry I have built relationships with people and have seen them go off to another part of this world. And I myself have journeyed off to serve and love and then say goodbye. I would not change a single thing. Each friendship made has taught me something and I can only pray that I have left something good behind. I sit and wonder what's next, will I be able to continue being joyful, and what is all this preparing me for? 

Then life gets real and DEPLOYMENT happens and I realize no matter how many friends move away or get married or babies are born this is the craziest. As we talked about and planned for my brothers second deployment everything seemed a little more somber. You know why? Well because he now has a wife. Yes it was hard to see a brother, a son, a grandson, a nephew depart to a country we knew nothing of but war but now with Erin everything changes a bit. Her life is now truly "the crazy life".

Also, my friend Stacy has been in this crazy life of deployment for 6 months now. 

Seeing the lives of these two women is remarkable and I know that their husbands couldn't be more proud. Many people are so encouraged by their courage. The crazier thing to me is they fell in love with men knowing the possibility of being left on the home front. I am convinced that no one or no book can prepare you for such a change. I even find myself praying that the Lord keeps me from falling in love with a solider (its hard enough saying goodbye to a brother). I am just that selfish. I am so very thankful for the life of a wife of a solider. Thank you for supporting your men, your families, and your homes. 

Today in the midst of all of that I am encouraged by Psalm 119:90,96 "Your faithfulness endures to all generations; you have established the earth, and it stands fast. I have seen a limit to all perfection, but your commandments is exceedingly broad."

The Lord is forever faithful to us and he is perfect beyond our comprehension of perfection. Ladies in your crazy life be forever reminded that there is one who cares for you more and better than your husbands and his plan for you is perfection! 

Erin and Jeremy at the send-off (picture quality terrible I know. It's a pic of pic.)

Stacy's operation "halfway done"

adoption.

...so i started this post a few weeks ago and just now getting to finish, but here it is!

It's been a while since I have had time or honestly the urge to sit down and blog, but here I am today.

Okay so just a a brief update on where I am in this crazy journey the Lord has me on. I am currently sitting by a pool with the sound of the ocean in the back ground. Since May 18 I have been in Panama City Beach, FL on the Summer Beach Project. What a treat it is to be able to spend this time not only at the beach but to be surrounded by students who are hungry to grow in their walks with Christ. It is tough though to uproot for five weeks for my job. It's non-stop when we are here. I honestly don't know how the staff with children go about keeping a schedule.

Also (since this is the year of many possibilities) I have found my self way outside of myself! I am officially enrolled in seminary. As week one in my class comes to an end I am quickly learning that this is going to be one of the most stretching seasons mentally for me. I am taking a class on properly interpreting the Word and yes it has been so so fun. Yet in the joy that comes from studying the Word and historical content of the Word my mind just may explode! Regardless I am super pumped for this journey and to see how the Lord is going to draw me closer to Him through knowledge.

So now here I am getting to adoption. This week on the SBP has been themed "Adoption". Over the past 3 years this word has become to mean a lot more to me. It carries a lot more weight than it once did. Once you can personally put a face to this word you come to a better understanding of it. Being a part of the struggle and praying for a child has allowed me to come to a better realization of God's love for His people.

Let's start with Reese...thats the only natural place to start because he has been the family's first tangible picture of adoption. This child (though all boy and wild as ever) has been one of the biggest blessings to my family. I honestly don't think everyone has come to this realization but soon enough they will. My aunt and uncle began a process that took 1.5-2 years to complete. I doubt any of us truly knew the commitment that was going to be required to call Reese our own. Countless court dates, home visits, and prayer times surrounded the official day when we could call Reese fully adopted, an heir to all that belongs to my uncle. Oh but we feel in love with this child long before the papers were signed! As a matter of fact this past mother's day was when Crystal finally received the birth certificate of her first born son. Reese, now 4, is something special. Though not ours by DNA, he is fully a part of the family. There is no giving him back (not that anyone would dare do such a thing). He is ours, he bears the family name, he is adopted! Just how "we" are adopted into the family of Christ. God is our Father and nothing can separate us from that love (Romans 3:38-39).

Now we are on to writing another story of adoption. My brother and sister-in-law have also began this process, but this is already having twist and turns of its own. Jeremy will be deploying for a year in July. So just recently they found out that adoption services have put there file on hold. We were hoping that all paperwork we be processed before Jeremy left so when he returned we would be ready to open our hearts to a little one. God has another plan and it's going to be so much better than ours. Just like each one of "our" stories with our Father. No one has that same adoption story but they all end in the same place... being lavished with love by a heavenly Father. This father loves us more deeply than we even know we desire.

It is crazy to me all that is done for adoption. The sweet pursuit for a child. The time and the commitment that is poured into the process is exhaustive. But all of this to call someone else's child your own. Think of how long God went after the Israelites. He continually went after them, "you will be my people and I will be your God". Or when Jesus left the 99 to go after the 1. He left it all to seek out and find the one that he wanted to bring home. And even the most evident example of his commitment to us, sending His one and only Son to the cross. The ultimate sacrifice that makes adoption possible. All of this done out of love. Love for His people. A love that is forever and unconditional. I am overwhelmed at the thoughts of this love that God has for us. Adoption is just another earthly example of how we can see God's love is action and what a blessing it is.

"In love, He predestined us to be adopted as sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will." Ephesians 1:4b-5

I did it!

It is official I completed my first half marathon!! And my friend Liz was right...you do get the marathon blues once it is all said and done!

So last weekend I traveled home in anticipation of Saturday. I left on a Thursday and never have two days gone by so slowly. For two nights I had nightmares about the run. Thoughts of not making it to the start line and not being able to finish raced through my mind day and night. Fears crept in as I anxiously awaited Saturday morning.

Race day was here! Liz and I woke up earlier ate our breakfast and headed to the Botanical Gardens of Clemson bunny ears and all. As they shouted go on the mic we all began trotting forward. The end of a long awaited journey had just begun. I ran and continued running for the next 2 hours and 13 minutes! This race was quite the course for this low-country girl of six years. It was for sure an up hill up battle. My saturday training on the bridge didn't much compare to the continual climb this coarse gave me. But I finished and I was pleased. Liz encouraged me the entire way and I would not had made it make to the finish line had she not been there.

Two things I was reminded of when running and now looking back at the run. One this race much like my Christian faith is nearly impossible outside the encouragement and accountability of community. The Lord put us here and gave us friends and family because he knew and knows better than us all that we can't go through life on our own. We need each other to get to tomorrow, to laugh together, to cry together, to love together, and this list could go on. I am so thankful for this reminder and wake-up call to the blessing of community I live in now. I am so often clouded by my own life that I forget that I couldn't make it without the many lives around me.

The second was that the Lord has been, is, and will be my strength and victory! When I was younger I had a bone infection and came and went on three different occasions. At the time of my first surgery the doctors were shocked I was still walking. The infection once again came back and this time after surgery I was sent home with antibiotics for a year. Still feeling of being defeated and my dreams and goals at the time put on hold. Then again 14 years after the first incident the infection returned and I again had surgery. Months later I pulled half a toothpick out of my foot. It's a miracle that I have a foot. It's a miracle that I can still run. It's a victory that I ran 13.1 miles! The Lord has much more in store for this life is has given me. As I live in His strength and claim his victory I will one day cross the finish line and my prayer is that He will call me a good and faithful servant.

But as for now I will continue running and I'm on hunt and another half! The year of first in this year of 24 is only the beginning of seeking to live fully and that life is found in the Lord.

I couldn't finish without recognizing my biggest fans!

perspectives

So being in the midst of college ministry sure does have its perks! One being...I still get SPRING BREAK! Oh the many thoughts when one hears the words spring and break together. You may think of your own spring breaks or you may go straight to all assumptions of college kids "livin' it up" at a beach a Florida or Mexico.

Well for me I was no where near the sunny shores. From Tuesday to Sunday I traveled through 8 states and spent four days on a road (two days there and two day back). What a journey. Myself, my momma, and my daddy all pack in "Barbara Jean" (that's my car, a blue Ford Explorer). Over the hills and through the plains to grandmother's house we went, Moline, Kansas. The name of the town brings so much truth to all the excitement that goes on in the town..not much. The biggest time we have ever had there was when we were there in May one summer and there was a parade for all the local alumni. They walked down main street and didn't even throw our candy!


These few days in Moline were different though. 1. I had never been there without my brothers. I had no one to share in my humor of this place or laugh at dad with because of his obsession with barn yard stew (toasted bread soaked in pudding and heated. its as gross as it sounds) 2. I haven't been to Kansas in almost 4 yrs! I have changed yet the town not so much.

Since I was in training for my half marathon I went running all through the town which has a beauty all in its own. But I ran across this old house...

To you this could look like an old beat up house. A yard with no color. A house that was once white now covered and has a tint of grey. This house was once my heaven. This house was once a mansion to me. This dirty driveway was once my interstate. This yard now with barely any grass was once my field to roam. As I ran by I couldn't help but stop. I looked forward to summers in Kansas. It was such an adventure to me to live in this house. I learned to ride a bike in that driveway. This is the place I first hopped up onto the back of a horse. This was the place where you couldn't stop my imagination!  Pure joy. 

As I stopped and thought of all the memories that were had both in and out of that old house I almost began to cry, because for some reason this house just didn't seem quite so grand. I thought to myself... Is it just because I am now 24 and not 7? Have I really lost my child like perspective on life? Or am does everything on this earth just seem small to me know because not only have I experienced more of life, but I have experienced more of Christ? This is where I settled and am still reminded of each day since being back. My God is so big. Bigger than any thing, any circumstance, and any being here on earth. 

My prayer as I look at the photo of that old is house is that I will strive each day to not make much of this world but continue to make much of my Jesus. 

a few more photos of our trip...all taken with my iPhone so don't judge the quality. 

Driving out of St Louis. Snapped one more picture and I like it!

The view for miles!!

The moment we arrived in the great state of Kansas!! (GO JAYHAWKS!)

the day of love.

As a girl of my age (hahaha) and being single this precious day and bring so many different emotions! But how sweet is it to know that though the world looks at me today and has pity for me that I poses a love that conquers all things. No greater love will I ever have than the love I had today. I have a Father who in the midst of my rebellion came down and pulled me out of my pit. I am loved by a man who gave his life for me. And because he loves me so I am capable of loving. So as I think about today and how I could get wrapped up in this season of singleness the Lord has me in and "mourn" I refuse because today I will rejoice because I am loved and I can love!

I am loved. I am blessed. I can love. I choose to love with the and by the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Today I expected nothing, because I have it all. But the Lord has chosen those you know me best to remind me that I am loved (because it is easily forgotten). My momma and daddy have given me their world and I am grateful. They continually give to me and take nothing for themselves. I am too often ungrateful for their selfless love for me! A surprise visit from daddy and a little pink bag with a little white box inside opened to find a beautiful bracelet with a little red heart. An unexpected treasure.

The Lord has blessed me with so many friends. These friendships are like angels sent to push me to Jesus. to make me smile when I can't see the goodness in the day. The friends are young and old.

These friends that I have come to realize I can't live without the past two years and don't know how I have lived life without them. These friends have become like family to me so quickly. They have cared to know me to the deeper parts of my heart. And because they know my selfish ways they know that my love language is gift receiving! They are so special to me not because they gave me a gift but because they took the time to think of me. Thank you Brady and Kelly!

friends and family alike they love me so well because they too have this love that comes from a mighty God. 

So today I do want to love. I want to love my friends. I want to love my family. but I want to send my valentine to my Jesus. 

24: the year of possibilities

So as the year continues and my friends come to join me in this great age of 24 I try to convince them that this just might be one of the greatest years of life! There is so much to be had at the age of 24. Whether or not if I have convinced anymore I do believe this year (i guess for me I have a big 7 months and 16 days left) holds a great deal for me and I praise God for it!

Let me just bring you up to date on the happenings of 24! For the first time in 24 years I spent my birthday at a theme park...that's pretty exciting right? So I started off with a bang! The month of November brought lots of learning from the Lord through circumstances and a small adjustment of adding 4 children to the family. December sent me across the world! Spent 10 days in India with some of my bestest friends. The Lord continued to open my heart and hands to HIS plan not my own. Changing all sorts of perspectives that I have had for many years.

Then we reach the year 2012! Year year's is always exciting and I have been determined to try new things! January gave me a massage. I have been asking for one of these for at least 3 years and I finally just went and paid for it myself! I needed  wanted it after a long December and so I did it. Why? Because I am 24!

Now I find myself in February and time is not stopping and neither are the possibilities or I'd like to call them blessings! I found myself signing up for a half-marathon... I will let you know in April if I regret that decision. And oh the blessings that February have brought!! I found out last night that I myself will be an aunt... sooner or later! My brother and sister-in-law are adopting! They are super excited to start this process and I'm super excited to spoil the crap out of someone else's child!

As I look forward I see God moving and working in me and through me! So the next 7 1/2 months excite me and when I wake up each morning I pray the Lord to surprise me... so that I will never find myself thinking I am in control or living in a life full of easy predictions. (My God is not predictable! He holds great things for those who repent and believe!)

I recently made this 14 layer chocolate cake! I only made one minor mistake...but it still tasted delicious! 

taste and see that the Lord is good

It is hard to believe that it is already February. What happened to January? What happened to cold nights, hot cocoa, and bon fires? I can't believe we are already down one month this semester, but it is never ceases to amaze me how much the Lord can do in so little of time. 

Over the past month I have had so many encouraging conversations with girls just about how there relationship with the Lord has grown and their hearts have been breaking for the things of Christ. I was almost studded when talking to a freshman this week and she explained to me how for the first time she has truly felt compassion for people. Another conversation I had today about just how joyful she had become since being in the fellowship with believers and coming to realize how great of an opportunity she has to influence her friends and teammates for Jesus. So much has been going on at CSU and I could talk for hours of just how many students are excited for the gospel! And how students are already making commitments to give there summer to grow in the Lord. The thought that it's only the beginning of February is exhausting but also super exciting to me. We still have majority of the semester ahead of us and so much it yet to be done. Please join me in prayer for this campus, for these students, and for students who are still seeking the world to find fulfillment. 

At the first of the year I began reading One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp in much anticipation for her coming in March for the in-house retreat at East Cooper Baptist Church.  As I have been reading her book and her appeal for thanksgiving the one thing that has truly stuck out to be is how thanksgiving makes moments last longer. When we stop to truly enjoy and are grateful we are able to see the goodness of the Lord in all things. Every moment of the day seems to last for hours. As I have been seeking the Lord and searching my heart to have an attitude of thankfulness I have been able to freely enjoy Christ in everything. In the stressful days of ministry when their seems to be no fruit and even in the days full of laughter. Experiencing the change of hearts in my students has given me much reason to be thankful, and these sweet moments with these girls have seemed like days.  I have truly tasted the work of the Lord, seen that it is more than good, and can have an attitude of thankfulness. 

As I continue to read I will be sure to keep you informed on this attitude of gratitude. 

another one bites the dust...

 Another day... another year! Boy does time fly by! I read a friends blog and she recapped her year through photos so I thought I'd do the same!

2010 ended with weddings and 2011 started with weddings

a caught bouquet.. 

new friends and dance parties

a championship! (i still got it in me!)

another wedding

a winter retreat

another wedding...

A princess party

retreat for the SBP

a CONCERT! Hello Usher!

Graduation

The Summer Beach Project

Road trips with good friends!

another concert... country style

CSU football GO BUCS!

Birthday Surprises...or death threats (still not sure)

a scary birthday for Jigs..

a test of my strength... retreat to the woods?

                                         

my first speaking engagement 

   

another wedding

and yet another caught bouquet 

Thanksgiving fun

a trip across the world

a sweet Christmas

And it ended with a bang in Chattanooga... ready for the blessings of 2012