living in it but not of it

Oh what a complex this has become for me recently. The past couple of weeks there has been in me a consistent awareness that I was not made for this world, that I belong to a place far greater. Since coming to faith at an early age I have been told this truth of being in the world but not of it. Never have I questioned or argued this statement of scripture. Recently in a women's bible study the comment was made of just how difficult this is. The scripture we were studying was Colossians 3:1-4, seek the things that are above...set your minds on things above not on earthly things... Our pastor read the week before a quote of what the puritans would say are the hinderances in our mediation and their conclusion was that we think too little of Heaven. Then tonight I sat and listened to a girl who is maybe 2 years my elder and has spent the past six years in Honduras. She made reference several times to our citizenship not being here on earth.

Needless to say I have been reminded of my thoughts and heart to be heavenward. So it seems natural for me to have an uneasiness of my current state but I am honestly unsure. In this study of Colossians I have been challenged to really examine my roots and my fruits. Where am I digging deep roots and upon what is my foundation? Is my life bearing fruit and are people seeing in me fruits of the Spirit? In these questions my thoughts and heart have been focused on Christ. For it is in Him alone that I build my foundation, I dig roots in the Word, and because of Christ in me I have the ability to bear fruit. As I continue to learn what this really looks like in the life of the believer I believe I am seeing that when I am not living with my mind set on things above I should be uneasy about my living. I go to the foot of the cross in repentance of living selfishly. I ask the Lord for forgiveness of my sins of omission, for not living and speaking of Christ, His work on the cross, His resurrection, and His victory over sin and death. I have in me life, that is Christ and that life is bursting to be let out and shared with everyone.

So in conclusion, I think I am gaining a greater understanding of what it means to be in the world but not of the world. My life should be lived and be an example of my satisfaction found in Christ. In that fact I should not be seeking things of the world to some how be a greater satisfaction. My living in the world is done with a purpose. That purpose being my complete satisfaction found in Christ, my sanctification, and making Christ known in my neighborhood, my city, my state, and the world!

catching up

So every single time I sit and write boy do I love it! I think its because I like the idea of someone reading about me... and where the Lord is taking me. But also the idea of being a blogger excites me! So maybe one day these post will have a little of more of a purpose. For now in my lack of routine of a life I will write randomly.

Fall has always been my favorite season and I get excited as it s l o w l y approaches here in Charleston. Fall is also so busy. As far as ministry goes we get back into the swing of things and attempt to storm the campus! My days are full of meeting new people, coffee dates, endless nights in the dorms, and planning for it all. It all seems to pass by so quickly because with fall comes the anticipation of the holidays!

In the midst of the randomness of each week the Lord has been so faithful to slow me down. I feel as though I am in such a sweet season. The Lord has been so gracious in revealing to me a lot about my character and the strengths and weaknesses in that. One of the biggest things I've known but the Lord has been uniquely pointing out and teaching me is that of my desire to control. Control self, control others, control my day, and the list could go on. Recently in areas where I have been completely out of control I have grown anxious and worrisome. Two things I rarely experience. My mom worries enough for us all so I generally let her do that for us all. In this I am continually reminded of that even the areas where I seem to control is just an illusion. I have been challenged to trust, to take steps forward, and what risk really means. This hasn't been easy for me but it has been so sweet. Seeing that peace lies in the arms of Jesus. Trusting him not just for "Big" things but every little step every day. Trusting that my labor isn't in vain. Trusting that He does have a plan. Trusting that I have been chosen to be set apart. Trusting and leaning into God's promises and truths.

So I sit here and pray that Fall continues to come slowly and the Lord continues to point to areas in my heart that I need to just trust! May this season last forever!

living without fear

This summer I committed myself to reading stories of fellow believers. Those who have gone before me and of those who are currently going for it! I have been both encouraged and challenged by their lives and get excited every time I can sit down and step into their shoes for bit. 

One of the chosen books is Undaunted  by Christine Caine. You may have heard of her once or twice but if not she's the girl who founded with her husband the A21 Campaign. The girl who has been a huge advocate for girls all over the world who are trapped in the life of sex trafficking. Her life's vision already seems so daunting to me so I was very intrigued the moment I opened the book. So much of her story has me sitting on the edge of my seat thinking "Lord when is my turn to be great?!?!" 

Undaunted by definition means undismayed, not discouraged, or not giving way to fear. As I completed the section on fear I found myself searching my own soul. What is it that I truly fear? How am I living undaunted or am I living daunted by just my daily task? Am I allowing fear to paralyze me?   The questions flooded in. I find myself laughing a little as I think of a fear that I have now discovered here at the Summer Beach Project... ROACHES. Me along with a pack of other females will come screaming out any one of our rooms at the sight of one of the little guys. Though I laugh at these fears I move back to the thought of those fears that keep me frozen. Each time I begin to question my fears I usually convince myself I am fearless... I remind myself that God has not given me a spirit of fear. But in this I never get to the root of the fears that really do exist. Though much of my life I have tried to convince myself and everyone else that I am Superwoman each day the Lord is showing me I am far from that. He has been teaching me there is so much more joy to be found in my weakness and meekness. This concept is totally bazaar to me! I am the daughter of Superwoman herself. My mom does it all and when it's "all" done she finds more to do. And did I mention she does it well. I've lived much of my life thinking the woman had no weakness and if she doesn't then I can't have any either. I have given a very sad attempt. Anyone who really knows me could probably give you a lengthy list of weakness. So fear number one: I fear being viewed as weak and having weaknesses.  I associate failure with weakness. That is so unbiblical of me.  Having just completed a study of the Old Testament I know that only by the Lord's strength was victory won. Only when the people allowed the Lord to fight for them. Only when they submitted to his authority. Where is my victory when I am trying to obtain all the strength in the world? That victory is no where to be found. In those moments I am being dependent on me and me alone. 

This fear leads me to the next. Fear number two: I fear being alone. What?!? Am I crazy? How many times does the Lord tell me "I'll never leave you nor forsake you"? But when I am living a life of independence it's hard to see anyone near. It becomes difficult to trust those who want good for me and want to love me. When I have the view of self where I am on the top it gets very very lonely. So fear number one forces me into fear number two. My selfishness, pride, and arrogance lead me to a place where I become lonely. A place where I begin to become paralyzed. A place where I believe the lie that I am all I have. The lie that if I want it or am going to achieve it I've got to do it myself. So fear number two just feeds fear number one. 

I've learned so much about myself and what God does not desire for me since approaching my fears. Fear is sick and obviously twisted. Christine used the example of Peter walking to Jesus on water in Matthew 14. Peter had to be fearful during the storm, yet as he saw Jesus and trusted he was able to step out of the boat and walk on water. Though the moment Peter took his eyes off he sank. The question is then How do I live a life undaunted? The answer is TRUST. Trust not in myself but in my Father. My Heavenly Father who has me in his arms holding me tightly. Each day trust. Trust Him with every task, every fear, every moment of every day. Trust. He has so much in store for me if I just trust Him and be willing to take risks. Take risks that might force me into a place of my weakest moments. Take a risk that might have me literally alone. Weak but strong in my Savior's strength. Alone but never far from my Jesus.

 Live without fear. Trust in Jesus and there I (and you) will find greatness.

time flies by.

Wow, can you really believe it's April?!? I can't! I feel like yesterday we were celebrating Christmas but I sit a week out of celebrating the Resurrection. This next statement may be very naive for my young 25 year old self but very true. The older I get the more I realize how valuable time is. Time goes by faster the older I get and I don't see it slowing down anytime soon. It's crazy to think about how fast time goes by while here on earth but then to think about how when in eternity I will be worshipping my Jesus for thousands of years and it won't even seem a day has passed. I believe this speaks a lot to how each one of us is longing and yearning for something. For some it's for tomorrow, for a loved one to be healed, for someone to call you beautiful, for a season to end, for a season to begin, for a baby to be born, for child to come home just once more, for a spouse to return home from a long journey... this list could go on forever and ever. We are all looking to tomorrow. But what about today? What has happened to the "state of being"? 

The Lord has taught me so much about this the past few months. As long as I can remember I have always been one to enjoy dreaming for what's next, looking for the next journey! Yet also very realistic with myself and circumstances. The past few months I've been searching. Searching for the next journey, looking for a new beginning, a fresh start, my next "calling". I put a lot of different titles on it, but no matter the tittle it's led me to the same spot. BE. As I searched different ministries and job opportunities nothing really came up and I didn't have a peace about any of it. The Lord has given me a vision for the gospel and I am learning that it really doesn't matter the context in which I share it! Though most importantly the Lord has called me to himself. To know Him. To love Him. To BE with Him.

The past few months have passed by so quickly and I already look back and think I could have spent a little more time there, I shouldn't have rushed through that, but in the past months of 2013 I have met with Jesus. I have learned so much more about myself and about my Jesus. I can do this for the rest of 2013 and forever! He tells us to do this you know. "Be still and know that I am God." He shows us by example many times as He goes off to a place of solitude. Still it seems so difficult to slow down and be in awe of our Savior. Many times the Lord forces us to do this through our circumstances. This is what happened to me and happening to many that I know. The Lord will get our attention and the Lord will get his glory! 

I was becoming so discontent in every day life. The mundane of life. This discontentment then led me to guilt. I do ministry with college students for a living shouldn't this be the most exciting and joyful job I could ever dream. I didn't believe that. I was beginning to believe lies that the enemy was pouring down. He knows my weaknesses better than I do... and he's not afraid of them. I wasn't in a good spot and I was fully aware just didn't know what to do. Now thinking back it all seems so silly. How couldn't I see the Lord just wanted me to be with Him. Something I hadn't done in a while. I was doing ministry out of my own skills and strengths that has come through doing ministry the past three years. I was acting as though I was dependent upon myself. I wasn't acknowledging the presence of God. As I diagnosed myself I was ashamed. I had become so blind to my own neediness. I was saddened at the way I had and still try to function. I had stopped preaching the gospel I was teaching of on campus to myself. By the grace of God he revealed this to me and is daily leading me to a new place in Him. I am overjoyed and humbled by how the Lord has shown himself to me and how he is so very gracious in bringing healing to his children.

The Lord is teaching me to slow down. To live for today, not tomorrow. To not miss out on the opportunities that are right in front of me. To worship the God of yesterday, today, and tomorrow. Not to just look to the God of tomorrow. And mostly importantly not to fear but to trust. Trust that the Lord knows and has planned a better plan for me than I or any one else could do! 

a new year

Happy New Year...a few days late! 2013 has a lot to offer, just as each day in our precious lives that the Lord sees fit for us to live. This year the Lord I serve is still the same and he still offers us His grace.   As I look back on 2012 and look forward to 2013 there is one thing I desire. C.H.A.N.G.E. Crazy I have never really longed for this other than a change in scenery (which I absolutely lloooovvve). This change is desired in my life. I do not want to look back on one day and say I lived the same day twice. I desire every day to be conformed...conformed to the image of my Savior, Jesus.

The past month has been preparing me for just that. The season on anxiousness, prayer, and uncertainty pushed me to cling to Jesus' faithfulness, cling to His promise to be my strength, be my families strength. Learning that (and i've been told this a ton) it's okay to care. It's actually preferred. I want to be  so drastically broken for the things of God's heart that I am brought to tears often (that would be a huge change). If you know most of my family you know that tears are seen often for sometimes the silliest things. Example: My grandmother cried this christmas because we got her a robot vacuum. It doesn't take much. But for me I have the curse of my father.... I cry when I try to speak in public...almost every time. But this time my tears were fear, sadness, and wonder.

That's just one example of how I want to change, but this all takes boldness. And you got it that's my word. My word for 2013 is BOLDNESS. I am sick of living in fear and living in this world that I allow control me. I want to live in boldness because I have been set free! My chains are gone! I want to have to boldness to change. To be someone better than I was in 2012. I take risk for the gospel. I proclaim the name of Jesus with confidence. I want to be bold to take steps towards sanctification knowing this is going to hurt and cost me much. I desire to have the boldness to show my weaknesses. The boldness to let go of this idea of control I have. I want my boldness to be an example of Christ.

As I look forward I can honestly say I have no idea what the Lord has in store for me along this journey, but I do know that I will follow Him each step of the way. As someone once said "I don't know what my future holds, but I do know who holds it" and I promise to be bold as I take steps forward.


This is a side, but exciting note. As many of you know with Campus Outreach we attend a conference each December. It is my privilege to tell you that one of our girls came to know Christ during the conference this year! It was exciting to see the time and prays invested pay off. We love this sweet girl, but we love even more the God that has and is radically changing her life! Rejoice with us and those of you who support my ministry here at CSU know you are storing up many riches in heaven!


Here are some photos from the conference